oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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