dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Randomize
