So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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