i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
