Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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