That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
from now on my penis is your penis
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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