I must be too annoying 4 u.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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