no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
