I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
