bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
