So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
