I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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