I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
