nut hugger
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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