Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
