This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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