Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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