i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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