I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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