When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
