i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
