I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
