Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
