I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I think people are normalizing furries
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
