fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
