apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You were trust falling into bushes
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
