i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
