You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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