New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
