My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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