Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
