How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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