i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
