Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
