it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
