Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
