OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
