Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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