Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Alive.
So much puke
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
