R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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