So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Your cock deserves a montage
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
