well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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