I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
