and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
