My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
