he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
