the condom got lost in my hair
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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