before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
