I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
