why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
