when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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