You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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