i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
