Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
