Jerry, you need to find god
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
