so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My vagina is very pro this idea
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
