The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
